A Blank Paper Moment
I cannot draw. Whichever part of the brain is supposed to tell my hand how to turn circles and lines into something recognizable does not work properly. When my kids ask me to draw objects for them to color, the drawings are simple versions of houses, forests, or the classic stick figures. Josh has often mistaken our five-year-old’s drawings for one of my drawings, which is a compliment to me because her drawings are always better!
When I was a child, one of my most dreaded elementary school assignments was when I was given a blank 5x8 white piece of paper and was told, “Draw whatever you want.” I would stare at that blank piece of paper and think what am I supposed to do with this? There was no directions or prompts beyond not to overcomplicate the assignment.
Over the years I’ve had many of what I call overwhelming “blank paper moments.” These are moments in life that bring me back to that feeling of what am I supposed to do with this? I felt this way when my family and I moved from Spain to the U.S. without knowing much of the language or culture. I thought it at work when I was given an assignment outside of my regular responsibilities and experience. And I vividly remember the feeling when Josh and I brought our firstborn home from the hospital.
Reading through the Bible I wonder how many people also had a moment of feeling stuck, uncertain of where God had led them and how to move forward. For example, in Exodus 14, the Israelites find themselves stuck between the Red Sea in front of them and Pharaoh with his army behind them. Even though the Israelites had just seen God perform miracles in Egypt, they were already afraid and panicked.
During their time with Jesus, the disciples must have questioned His actions and why He did what He did. In Mark chapter 6, Jesus and the disciples attempted to find a place to rest, but the crowds found them. Jesus had compassion for the crowd and spoke to them. When it grew late, the disciples told Jesus that He should tell the crowd to disperse and go somewhere to find food for themselves. Instead of agreeing with their sensible logic, Jesus gave the disciples the task of finding food for the crowd. The disciples were also hungry. They were tired. I can picture them looking around the crowd at the thousands of people and thinking, what are we supposed to do with this?
While these two accounts are vastly different in magnitude, there are two similarities I see. In Exodus, God led the Israelites to the Red Sea before parting the waters, knowing the Egyptians were chasing them. In Mark, Jesus led the disciples to the desolate area, knowing the crowd would follow and that they would grow hungry. Both the Israelites and the disciples questioned the purpose of why God had led them to where they were when they did not see an obvious solution to their predicament.
Both parties were given a command. Moses told the Israelites to stand firm and see God work. Jesus told the disciples to count how much food they had and to divide it amongst the people (Matthew 14:19b). Both the Israelites and the disciples obeyed, and they witnessed a miracle. The common thread was to trust and obey.
In our modern day life the “blank paper moment” could be an unexpected medical diagnosis or a family emergency that throws our plans off track. It could even be centered around a good thing—such as a work promotion or a new ministry opportunity. We must remember God has led us to where we are by His design. When life feels overwhelming and we don’t know how to move forward, sometimes all we can do is trust God will continue to be with us and pray that we move in obedience. What am I supposed to do with this? Trust and obey.